Navigating Halloween with Your Food Allergic Tween or Teen: It’s a whole new scene!!

It’s always hard letting go as our children grow, but as a food allergy parent there are extra layers of difficulty. As a food allergy mom for over nineteen years, I deeply understand all the challenges and stress that comes with each age. I want you to know that your child can continue to have a fun and safe Halloween without you stuck to their side.

It’s the age!

When your child becomes a tween, it’s natural for them to start breaking away from you. I know it hurts. (That’s why I got a dog to snuggle with when my younger daughter turned eleven! Bonus- she brought both my tween and teen out of their caves, I mean rooms.) 

Having a tween or teen can feel like a new food allergy diagnosis because your child’s independence brings up many new issues. Take a deep breath and know that your child CAN safely transition into this new phase filled with different experiences. As with all things food allergy related, you need to prepare ahead in each situation while teaching them along the way.

Even though your tweens and teens get embarrassed easily, when it comes to their food allergies, your child can’t be shy. Do not give in to their self-consciousness. I know this can be a tough age, but you have to teach your child that it is not possible to blend in if they want to be safe. It’s best for your kids to learn this lesson as early as possible. Yet, many kids with food allergies remember having a past allergic reaction and want to avoid having another. This is usually a motivator to be cooperative when you are trying to help them implement safe practices.

The tween age is a great time to teach them before they have more independence.

Teach your child that consistent routines matter regarding their food allergies

Having consistent routines regarding food allergy management acts like a parachute to keep your child safe. Teaching them the consistent routines you practice will build safe habits for your child. The tween stage is a great time to teach your child with food allergies the things you want them to know and do when they are teenagers. Let them hear you following through on consistent routines to help keep them safe and included. Share with them what you do when planning ahead, asking questions and educating others regarding their food allergies. The more they hear you doing these things the more normalized the routine will be for them. They need to know they must always prepare and plan ahead before doing anything outside of their home (like going to parties, friends’ houses and restaurants).

Teach them as young as possible

As your child hits puberty, it’s natural for them to be a little more close minded to your advice. Though as my mother always says, “Keep talking, they hear you!” But this is why I strongly believe in teaching children with food allergies things they may not need to navigate just yet but will in the future. When my daughter, Elisabeth, was little, I taught her to never share anyone’s food or drink (as I am sure you have too). I also taught her that when she goes to a birthday party, if she puts her cup down on the table but then becomes unsure which one is hers, just get a new one. I knew this would become even more applicable when she was a tween and teen going to a party. Because at these ages, they are not sitting at “their spot” at a birthday party table. They are milling about talking to different people. Even when Elisabeth was a teen I still reminded her to get a new drink if she put her cup down at a party and walked away. I still got the eye roll, but she’d say, “Uh, I already know this!” not, “Oh mom, don’t be such a worry wart!”.

Trick-or-treating with your tween

When your child is a tween, it’s a great time to start giving them some distance from you while you’re still there to sprinkle in coaching regarding their food allergies. Halloween is perfect for this. For example, we still kept to our usual trick-or-treating routine when my daughter, Elisabeth, was a tween but I changed it up just a little. (Here is the safe and fun routine we had from tot through elementary school: How to Trick or Treat When Your Child Has Food Allergies). 

To help guide her towards future independence, when Elisabeth was about eight years old I started hanging back on the street or sidewalk instead of going closer to the door to help her choose safe candy when trick-or-treating with friends. She was familiar with the popular candy brands that contained peanuts or eggs. She also knew that we would check all the candy labels together when we got home. Going to the door without me gave her the opportunity to speak up for herself when declining candy that had her food allergens. We were not concerned with her collecting candy that had cross contact issues as we always made it a strict rule to never eat candy on the trail.

Even when Elisabeth was an older tween, I’d volunteer to chaperone her friend group. I still wanted to make sure she didn’t eat any candy on the trail and that her friends weren’t eating her allergens. Luckily, her friends were respectful because they wanted Elisabeth to be safe.

When your tween or teen with food allergies goes trick-or-treating without you

I remember when my daughter asked to go trick-or-treating with friends without me for the first time. Yes, it felt like a deep stomach punch but I knew it was coming and it was the right time. Though I tried to be the last holdout chaperone, when she was in 7th grade, I knew she needed to go with her friends without me. It was stressful but she was ready because I had educated her on food allergy management and she knew the trick-or-treating routine we stuck to every year to keep her safe.

Even though we followed the same rules each year when trick-or-treating with Elisabeth, I still went over them again with her as a teen. Yes, it’s OK to sound like a broken record! Go over the trick-or-treating rules every year. Even if they give you attitude (which is normal), they will hear you! And you can add in, “I’m not sharing this because I don’t trust you. I need to go over these things to give me peace of mind. I love you so much.”

The 10 rules to share with your tween or teen with food allergies before they trick-or-treat without you:

• Always have 2 Epinephrine auto-injectors with you.
• Know when and how to use the epi auto-injector, and to call 911 after using it.
• Know and follow the mantra, “No epi, No eating” .
• No eating candy while trick-or-treating.
• Ask friends to refrain from eating candy with their food allergens.
• No eating candy without letting you check it with them.
• Always read food labels. Every time. Ingredients and manufacturing processes can change at any time and within the various sizes of the same candy (so the mini sizes may be different).
• If a treat does not have an ingredient label or is homemade – skip It!!
• Have one or two friends with them who are trained in using the epinephrine auto-injector and make sure they know to call 911 after administering it.
• Give their friends your cell phone number and have theirs too in case of an allergic reaction.

Thankfully, Elisabeth’s close friends were very respectful in helping to keep her safe. I’ve always told her that how her friends support her, regarding her food allergies, is a good test for the quality of their friendship. Having kind compassionate friends who want the best for you is something we should all have. It is important to teach all children this lesson. But with food allergies it is essential. The added gift is it allows you to quickly find out who is a good friend and who is not worth your time.

Try to make your house THE house

I always tried to help Elisabeth to focus on the fun, not the food. Every year on Halloween I had her friends come to our house after trick-or-treating. I would get a pizza or heat up safe chicken nuggets and french fries and have one or two safe candies for them. They were hungry and tired from trick-or-treating so they were happy to eat food, not candy.

As soon as Elisabeth and her friends walked in the door from trick-or-treating, I would remind them to wash their hands and have them park their candy bags in a designated spot knowing they would get it back when they left. 

Once Elisabeth was about ten or eleven years old, I would allow her to trade candy with her friends. Elisabeth loved trading her unsafe candy for candy she could eat. They were still not allowed to eat the candy in our house, but she and her friends had a blast doing this. We always checked the candy labels from her stash together after her friends went home. Elisabeth also knew I had surprise safe treats for her that night as I always did on Halloween to supplement her candy bag.

Navigating tween and teen Halloween parties with food allergies

Plan ahead

I know Halloween parties are a bit trickier than trick-or-treating. It’s so important to plan ahead before your child attends a party, even if you have trained them to ask questions regarding their food allergies. You never want them to attend a party without checking on the food beforehand. This can set them up for exposure to their food allergens – especially if teens sneak alcohol into a party (I don’t support this-just being realistic). But in the bigger picture, you are training your child to follow consistent routines to keep them safe. The things you do and train them to practice now are habits they will follow when they are truly independent. 

I must add that asking questions and communicating with others regarding food allergies are huge topics! Too much to include here. Communication encompasses more than just asking the right questions. If you want to learn how to effectively communicate with others in social situations and teach your teen to do the same, it is included in this e-guidebook.

13 Things you should do for your tween or teen before they go to a Halloween party

• Call the host parent prior to the party to find out what is being served to determine if your child can safely eat there (call even if it’s a close friend and your child has eaten there before).
• Inform the host parent of your child’s food allergies and educate them on cross contact.
• Ask the host parent to please keep any food bags / boxes so that you or your child can double check food labels when they arrive.
• Ask if some of the food can be set aside for your child before it is put out for the party. 
• Teach your child that unless all food at the party is safe for them, never eat from a shared snack bowl or buffet.
• Tell your child to never rely on asking someone else if a food is OK- they should ask if they can read the ingredients on the bag/box themselves.
• Have your child eat before going to the party if there is any doubt that they can eat there safely or if you cannot get in touch with the host parent ahead of time.
• Tell your child to always get their own drink- you don’t want any cup mix ups. A friend who gets their drink could innocently take a sip or have your child’s allergen on their hands (this happened to a friend’s teen who had an allergic reaction because of a well meaning friend).
• Teach your child that if they put their drink down and walk away from it, then they should get a new one (besides being a good safety rule for everyone, they do not want a mixup and wind up with a possible allergic reaction due to cross contact).
• (most importantly) Make sure your tween/teen always has 2 epinephrine auto-injectors with them at all times and are trained on how to use them.
• Teach your child the mantra, “No epi, No eating”.
• Train a couple of your child’s friends and the host parent on using the epinephrine auto-injector. Also let them know they need to call 911 after administering the auto-injector.
• Give your child’s friends and the host parent your cell phone number in case of an allergic reaction. You should have theirs too.

Our experience with parties

Elisabeth was still shy as a tween and teen, but she would still ask questions about the food when she arrived at a party to double check and never ate anything without looking at a food label. Elisabeth’s close friends in middle and high school and their parents knew about her food allergies and were always willing to help by not serving anything with peanuts or eggs. If any of them were having a party, I still called ahead to investigate the food situation and reminded the parents of Elisabeth’s food allergies.

When Elisabeth was going to a party that was not at a close friend’s house, I would call the parents to inform them of Elisabeth’s food allergies and find out what they were serving. Luckily, they refrained from putting out anything with peanuts but on occasion there would be foods like cookies or cake that contained egg. Elisabeth would only take something from a closed bag from the kitchen after reading the ingredients. She knew she could not share things from a bowl at a party because of cross contact. If it felt tricky and the food seemed unsafe, Elisabeth would eat before going to a party. She wanted to have fun with friends and be included. 

Once, when Elisabeth was in high school, instead of just dropping her off at a party, I went inside the house because I wasn’t able to get in touch with a parent beforehand. I helped Elisabeth check on the food. The kids weren’t hanging out in the kitchen and I did it in a quiet manner. Elisabeth felt better that I was helping her to be safe.

You got this!

Use Halloween as a great learning experience as your child with food allergies grows from a young tween into an independent teen. Teach them consistent routines to keep them safe and included during social situations. You can do this. One situation at a time. One day at a time.

As always, please feel free to reach out to me at debra@foodallergyparenting.com if you need more support, have a question, suggestion, or just want to say hi!

Being a food allergy parent can be stressful even when you are doing the right things. I know, my friend. That’s why I wrote this free guide just for you: How to Stay Sane as a Food Allergy Parent. I know it will be helpful. Get the free guide here!

Sending you a big hug, Debra

Debra Bloom has been a food allergy parent for over 19 years. She is the creator of The Safe Snack Guide, co-founder of Snack Safely and founder of Food Allergy Parenting. She is a food allergy parenting coach passionate about teaching how to keep children with food allergies safe and included from tot through teen while living a full life. Sign up for her free newsletter to get food allergy parenting guidance and support right in your inbox (no spam)!