How to Celebrate a Holiday When Your Child Has Food Allergies

Holidays!…I know. Some we love and some we just want to get through. But when it comes to managing your child’s food allergies, no matter which holiday you are celebrating with family/friends, you need to follow the same safety protocols to help keep your child safe and included. 

As a food allergy mom for over nineteen years, I know any holiday can be an anxiety inducing tricky time. My extended family has been pretty supportive of my daughter who’s been allergic to eggs and peanuts since she was a year old. Thankfully, the holidays we have celebrated were without issues (well, without food allergy related issues – ha!). But it did take time for everyone to learn how to help keep my daughter safe and included.

When my daughter was little, there were two occasions where things went wrong while at a family/friend’s home. One holiday, a family member could not handle the stress of entertaining and my question was met with a blow up. My daughter was fine but it became a messy relationship issue. Another time while attending a casual gathering at a friend’s home, we got incorrect information from a tipsy hostess. My daughter ended up having an allergic reaction. It was a very hard lesson to learn. I still get a punch in the gut when I think about it and though it’s embarrassing to share, I want you to learn from my mistakes. These are perfect examples of why it’s important to always plan ahead.

Just like all things related to food allergies, there is a learning curve to managing holidays. If you’re fairly new to the food allergy world or you’ve had too many frustrating experiences around holidays with family/friends, read on my friend. Beyond wanting to give you a big hug, I want to share how to manage a holiday so your child can be safe, feel included and you can all have a great time. I’m hopeful that these strategies will help accelerate the learning process for you and give you the advice you need.

Hosting vs. going to family/friends

Planning ahead is always key when it comes to food allergies. It is one of my mantras and it should be yours too. How you plan will be determined by how you’re celebrating. Will you host or go to someone else’s home? Your child’s age can be a big factor in answering this question. 

You may want to host if your family/friends have a hard time really “getting” the seriousness of your child’s food allergies. If you are dealing with that, please read THIS (The #1 Way to Explain Food Allergies so Family Members and Others “Get It”).

If you have a little one who is always putting their hands in their mouth or who doesn’t know how to advocate for themselves, you may want to consider hosting a holiday rather than going to someone else’s home. Trust me, I get that when you are juggling life with kids, planning a holiday and entertaining isn’t easy. But the anxiety you may have going to other people’s homes for a holiday may outweigh your stress of adding hosting duties to your schedule.

Hosting makes it easier to keep your child safe and included because it’s your menu, your kitchen and you’re calling the shots. If your little one is still putting their fingers (and everything else) in their mouths and your family is not well educated on food allergies, you’re probably better off hosting.

Alternatively, if your family/friends are willing to learn about food allergies and support your child’s needs to help keep them safe, it’s possible to have an enjoyable holiday at their homes. With food allergy education, as well as close communication with the host your child can be safe and included in the celebration. You’ll need to discuss the menu and preparation from appetizers to desserts as well as specifics on what might be put out around the house.

Let’s go over each scenario in detail…

Hosting a holiday while managing food allergies

It felt like such a huge undertaking when I first started hosting holidays for my extended family. But I learned I enjoyed entertaining! It also got easier with experience like anything else. 

Here are 6 ways to make hosting a holiday easier on you…

1. Make a simple menu

Since food allergies usually force you to make more dishes from scratch, try to keep it simple. Food does not have to be fancy to be delicious. For Thanksgiving, which is one holiday I still always host, I stick with a basic menu that everyone loves! Remember, your guests just appreciate the invitation and know you have to make accommodations for your child’s food allergies.

2. Use paper, my friend!

When my daughters were little, I used paper cups and plates. It wasn’t the tablescape I imagined when I unwrapped all the pretty things at my wedding shower, but it was so much easier! If you use paper products during the holiday, it will really help cut down on the work and allow you to enjoy it more.

3. Cook ahead of the holiday

Another secret to making a holiday easier is cooking before the holiday. Most dishes can be made a day or two in advance. It all tastes great when reheated. Why do you think everyone likes holiday leftovers so much? Examples of just some of the dishes you can prepare ahead are appetizers, salads, breads/muffins, casseroles, and desserts.

4. Prep whatever you can the night before

I always find doing whatever I can the day before having company over reduces my stress on the holiday. Plating things that don’t require reheating can be done a day before and stored in the refrigerator. You can also set up extra chairs as well as set/decorate the table.

5. Ask guests to only bring items that are prepackaged with labeled ingredients

When your child has food allergies, it can be hard to trust that others will follow safety protocols to eliminate cross contact with your child’s food allergens. Potluck is not your friend with food allergies!

If guests ask what they can bring to your home, tell them to please refrain from bringing homemade dishes. Let them know you would appreciate them bringing allergy friendly drinks or prepackaged foods with ingredient lists. You can create a list of allergy friendly prepackaged food/desserts in advance to give your guests ideas. If food allergies are not part of your family/friends everyday lives, providing them with a list would be helpful. They may not know how to properly read food labels and usually others are relieved when you can clarify what is safe.

It’s always good to send out a note  to remind or inform guests of your child’s food allergies. If you feel comfortable, this is also a great time you can include suggested allergy friendly items they could bring.

6. Find easy allergen free recipes

There are so many wonderful allergen free recipes online you can find right at your fingertips. Also, don’t be afraid to adapt a family favorite recipe to make it allergy friendly. For example alternative milks, butter, and sour cream work great in any recipe that requires dairy (I have done it many times). My personal favorite egg substitute is a “flax egg” (1 Tbsp of flax meal + 3 Tbsp water = 1 egg). It actually helps fluff things up and bonus – it’s healthy! You can find many recipes online that are free of dairy, egg, nuts, peanuts, wheat/gluten and other allergens. Whichever foods you must eliminate, it can be done. Keeping it simple is always delicious. Our favorite roasted chicken is with just olive oil and salt – always juicy (using a digital thermometer is key!).

Just remember, my friend, the more you host a holiday, the easier it gets. You can stick to the same menu for a specific holiday every year and you will get it down to a system.

Going to a family member or friend’s home for a holiday while managing food allergies

In order to have a safe holiday at a family/friend’s home, planning ahead is key when it comes to food allergies (mantra!). Also, remember to always bring two epinephrine auto-injectors with you everywhere. Every time.

Below are safety measures you can take to keep your child with food allergies safe and included while going to a family member or friend’s house for a holiday.

Talk to the host well before the holiday

Calling a host the day before a holiday is not a good idea and it’s not fair to the host. They can’t be expected to start accommodations at the last minute and it’s dangerous for your child. You also never want to go to someone’s home without talking to the host until you get there. Not only is the host preoccupied with entertaining so mistakes can be made (remember my tipsy friend?), but packages with ingredient lists may have been thrown away.

Educate family/friends on food allergies every time

You need to educate the host on your child’s food allergies and everything that encompasses keeping them safe. Even if you’re bringing food for your little one, you don’t want to be in a situation where their allergen is within arms reach. You want the host to understand the gravity of food allergies.

Use THIS to help educate family/friends on food allergies!

You can get a free copy of Food Allergy Education Essentials HERE to read, share and use as a guide of what to go over with family/friends to educate them on your child’s food allergies. You can send them a copy, but you should also have a discussion with the host to review the topics involving cross contact issues, food preparation, and the common myths and misconceptions of food allergies in particular (all included in the download). In addition, review your child’s specific needs.

Your mindset and food allergy education

As a food allergy parent you are living it Every. Single. Day. As you know first hand, being dropped into the food allergy world is like moving to a foreign country. You have to learn a new language. That language involves learning in full about allergic reactions, anaphylaxis, cross contact, label reading, various safety measures to avoid allergens, advocacy and constant vigilance. There is a huge learning curve but it does get easier.

Remember it will take time for extended family and friends to learn the language of food allergies. Also, it’s not something they are managing on a regular basis or keeping top of mind. So even after you initially educate them, you need to always remind them of your child’s food allergies and the safety protocols they need to take any time your child is eating in their home.

The menu

Ask the hostess what they are planning to serve from appetizers to desserts. Find out how everything is being prepared and the food’s ingredients. Don’t forget about sauces and dressings. Also ask about foods that could be out around the house like a bowl of nuts or candy dishes.

Food preparation

It is essential to not only share what your child’s food allergies are but also explain cross-contact issues regarding food preparation so that your child will be safe. These include things like hand washing, cleaning and sanitizing surfaces with soap and water, and not contaminating knives, utensils or cutting boards with your child’s allergens.

It’s important that the host knows it’s not about cleanliness, as some people get offended if they don’t understand. After explaining that the smallest amount of your child’s allergen can trigger an allergic reaction, try telling them, “I am not suggesting that you don’t clean your kitchen or your pans well. For example, after making an omelet and cleaning the pan there is always some tiny bit of residue that won’t come off. This type of thing is the danger for cross contact. So is when someone uses the same knife and cutting board to prep everything while cooking.” Let them know they can’t be too careful when it comes to dealing with food allergies.

After educating the host, they may decide not to serve a dangerous dish(es) altogether. You never know! The key is communication and education.

Offer to make a couple of dishes you know your child can safely eat

To help your child eat safely while contributing to the meal, you can offer to bring a couple of dishes for the holiday. It will ease your anxiety, you’ll know your child has some safe food and they will also feel included.

When going to my family for a holiday, I usually bake a peanut and egg free chocolate cake and everyone loves it! Because of my daughter’s egg and peanut allergies, dessert is always challenging when eating out of the house. Bringing the cake made my daughter feel included on holidays at dessert time while she was growing up.

Bringing allergy friendly dishes or desserts for everyone is also a great strategy so your family/friends can learn that allergy friendly recipes can still be delicious. They may even use your recipes next year!

Ask the host to save packages for you to double check food labels when you arrive

Even if you are going over food labels with a family member/friend ahead of time, ask them to set the packages aside for you to double check when you arrive. This is always a good idea. Plus, it’s awkward for you or your host to have to dig into the trash can to retrieve a package so you can check a label.

Ask the host to send a note to invited guests alerting them of your child’s food allergies

To help keep your child safe at a holiday meal, ask the host if they would send an email/text to the other guests requesting them to refrain from bringing foods with your child’s allergens. You can even offer to help provide suggestions on what others can bring.

Bring food for your child

If the host is serving any dishes with your child’s allergens and you don’t feel confident that they will take the proper precautions to avoid cross contact issues, you may just want to bring a safe meal for your child. Explain ahead of time that you appreciate their efforts but it would be easier for them if you just bring food for your child. (Which is really the nice way of saying that you can’t trust that they will be careful enough and you can’t take the chance of your child having an allergic reaction.)

If you want your child to feel included, try to bring foods that are similar to the host’s menu. But let’s be real, the most important thing of course is helping your child have a great dessert(s) that they love. 

If you cannot bake or buy a safe dessert to include at the celebration, bring your child a special safe treat they don’t have often. Tell them on the way to the celebration that you have a surprise dessert for them! It builds excitement and helps make the holiday special for your child. I usually had allergy friendly cupcakes in the freezer to grab at a moment’s notice when my daughter was younger to make life easier.

Just remember, even when bringing food for your child, you still need to know all the food that will be served from appetizers to desserts. If your child has an airborne allergy this is very important in order to avoid an allergic reaction. You don’t want any surprises when you arrive.

No one should be offering your child food without your permission

Inform everyone at the party that no one should be offering your child food without checking with you first. It boggles one’s mind but it’s all too common for an older relative to try to feed your child while not having their food allergies top of mind. You want to remind everyone before and at the party of your child’s food allergies and ask them to refrain from feeding them.

Prepare your child’s plate first

If there are safe options as well as dishes with your child’s allergens at the party, it is safest for you to prepare your child’s plate before anyone else. This way you are sure there is no cross contact through either utensils getting swapped or someone touching a serving utensil to their plate which already has an offending food.

Talk with your child before going to family/friends

Before going to a holiday meal, remind your child:

• No sharing food or drinks with anyone (even grandma and grandpa).
• No taking food from anyone unless you say it’s OK.
• If they want to eat something, check with you first.

Difficult family and boundaries

Boundaries with family is a huge topic. But in its simplest form, it’s about respecting your child’s safety. If a family member is refusing to honor your child’s needs regarding their safety, then they are overstepping a huge boundary. Never feel bad about putting your child’s safety first.

If going to a family/friend’s home for a holiday meal seems too dangerous for your child and it’s too overwhelming, you can decide that you will not attend. I’ve seen so many posts on Facebook over the years from moms questioning what to do in this situation when they really just needed to hear from another food allergy mom that it is OK not to attend. I’m telling you now, it is absolutely OK to skip an event if you think there is unavoidable danger for your child to have an allergic reaction. It is critical to prioritize health and safety over the possibility of offending someone. Hopefully the host will understand (if not then that is a relationship issue, not a food issue!).

Make it about the fun, not the food

It’s so important to help your child to focus on the fun, not the food. Days before a holiday and in the car while you are on your way to family/friends, get your child excited about who they will be seeing and what they will be doing. This really helped my daughter to learn to appreciate the people she was spending time with or the activity she was doing more than focusing on the food she would be eating (or not eating). Yes, there are challenging times and disappointments but…perspective is everything!

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Hi, I’m Debra Bloom and I’ve been a food allergy mom for over 19 years. I’m the founder of Food Allergy Parenting, creator of The Safe Snack Guide, and co-founder of Snack Safely. I’m a food allergy parenting coach passionate about teaching how to keep children with food allergies safe and included from tot through teen. Sign up for my newsletter to get guidance and support right in your inbox!

Feeling food allergy parenting stress? Get emotional support with my free guide, How to Stay Sane as a Food Allergy Parent HERE!

Go from fear to confidence – get the guidebook, How to Keep Your Child With Food Allergies Safe & Included at Every Age. It’s what I wish the allergist would have handed me many years ago to learn how to navigate raising my daughter with allergies to peanuts and eggs. But doctors only diagnose disease- they don’t help with lifestyle. I learned throughout my daughter’s childhood working behind the scenes to keep her safe and included so she could do everything. I wrote How to Keep Your Child with Food Allergies Safe & Included at Every Age in guidebook form rather than book form because I didn’t want to fill it with fluff.  I do tell stories to help you learn but I wanted you to have a clear readable “How to” that you could reference as needed. It’s only available HERE, not on Amazon, because I want to be able to send you updates (you’ll get updates when food labeling laws change and new epinephrine delivery devices come on the market). 

It’s a practical guidebook to help you go from fear to confidence while raising your child with food allergies. I share lived knowledge and heart. Currently at beta discount pricing! To order- CLICK HERE!