Halloween, Food Allergies, School, Oh My! How to plan so your child with food allergies can be safe and included at school Halloween celebrations

As a food allergy mom for over nineteen years, I am all about teaching you how to navigate being a food allergy parent so your child will be safe and included while living a full life. That’s why I started FoodAllergyParenting.com. But I believe an important part of learning is also knowing what NOT to do. I will share strategies with you to help you keep your child with food allergies safe and included during their school Halloween celebrations, but first I’ll share one of the key lessons I learned when advocating for my daughter at school…

Never, Never, Never go directly to school parents to address your child’s food allergies needs for a school planned activity. Any and all food requests should be addressed to the teacher or the principal. Then those decisions should be delivered to the other class parents.

I learned this hard lesson when my daughter started kindergarten. As a new elementary school parent with a child allergic to peanuts and eggs, I decided to become a class mom so I could make sure my five year old would be safe and included at school events. I was naive and new to navigating school politics and I would wind up doing it all wrong. Though there was another kindergartener with food allergies in my daughter’s class, there were no policies in place at the school. The other allergy mom was a seasoned school parent but was not a class mom for her kindergartener. In hindsight, I realize she knew what to expect throughout the kindergarten year so she could get ahead of any issues. I was not as fortunate. We both advocated to get what was needed from the school to keep our kids safe at lunch time but parties had not been addressed yet. I figured if I was a class mom I could get involved in the planning to help keep my daughter safe and included at all the school parties that year.

How it all went wrong…

On a beautiful fall day, I attended the first class mom meeting trying to keep my nerves in check. After the rules and duties of the class mom responsibilities were addressed, we started planning the first party of the year – the combined class Halloween party. When the subject of cupcakes came up, I eagerly offered to bake them all. Yes, all eighty (you read that right, 80) of them so my daughter and the other child with food allergies would be safe and included. I followed up with, “They are egg free because my daughter has an egg and peanut allergy. But they are delicious.” One of the moms quickly replied with disdain, “I don’t want my child deprived!” I was so shocked at what she said, I had no response. Another mom chimed in and said she could use my recipe to make the cupcakes too. As sweet as that offer was, I got more stressed because I started to explain cross contact issues. I then got the feeling everyone thought I was saying she does not clean her pans well. 

Once we got onto discussing snacks I said, “Can’t we just pick a safe pretzel and safe potato chip? There are many brands safe for everyone”. One seasoned school mom chimed in, “The kids with food allergies usually have their own spot off to the side”. Again, dumbfounded. These are five year olds, not adults. How do you tell a five year old they can’t participate in the party and need to sit to the side? This was absolutely unacceptable to me. My daughter already had a safe treat box stored in the classroom for times she would not be included, like when a student brought in a birthday treat she could not eat safely. But a preplanned class party? Seriously?

That night (and a few nights following) I went to the supermarket for hours and read ingredient lists on every brand of potato chip, pretzel, cheese curl, corn chip, tortilla chip, cookie and candy. I called manufacturers and then compiled the list of peanut, tree nut and egg free snacks easy to buy at our local market and “The Safe Snack Guide” was created. I went to the next class mom meeting with copies of this list, handed them out and said, “As you can see, no one needs to be deprived at the Halloween party”. Though I shed many, many tears the first few months of my daughter’s Kindergarten year, I learned so much. By the way, using The Safe Snack Guide for snacks and school parties was adopted as school policy when the new principal arrived a couple years later. (It was used for my daughter’s class parties prior). The Safe Snack Guide has gone on to help hundreds of thousands of people since inception and help keep allergens out of the classroom. (This story is how SnackSafely.com was born!)

But let’s get back on track… 

When you deal with class parents directly, your message will get muddied!

The day after that first class mom meeting in the courtyard, the school nurse asked to talk to me after drop off. She told me she heard I was demanding that everything at the school party be egg free. I was dumbfounded. I told her what happened at the meeting and that I simply offered to make the eighty cupcakes needed for the Halloween party and they just so happened to be egg free. She had gotten to know me through the many meetings before school even began. My approach was always kind and reasonable, but firm in my needs for my daughter while educating. She quickly understood the miscommunication. Wow, my message really got muddied. 

Here is the problem…

I addressed issues with those who do not make decisions on class rules / policy. Other class parents cannot decide what is acceptable in the class or school regarding food. This is up to the teacher and/or principal.

What you need to do to keep your child safe and included for a school party

Whenever your child is eating outside your home, you need to PACK℠:

The Halloween party does not have to be scary – Here’s how to PACK℠ for the school party

Plan and Prepare Ahead

Planning is always on you. I will say this and repeat it many times. If you want things to go smoothly, planning when your child has food allergies is always on you. Yes, you asked the teacher to bring up all the things involving food in the classroom when you first met with them at the start of the school year. But teachers have a lot on their plate along with many students who have various issues. Things can fall through the cracks. So keep in touch with your teacher on a regular basis to ask about any lessons, projects or activities that will involve food.

Plan ahead by scheduling a meeting with your child’s teacher. About a month before Halloween, reach out to schedule a meeting with your child’s teacher to discuss class plans for the holiday. If you wait until a couple weeks before Halloween to talk with them, the wheels may already be in motion. Tell the teacher you want to help in any way you can to make it easy for everyone to be safe and included. If there is a group of parents planning a party, then discuss what is needed with the teacher and ask the teacher to send written notification of the food rules to the parents planning the party. Have them remind the parents that there is a child in the class with food allergies.

If you can, try to get involved in planning the party or, at least, attending the party. Let the teacher know you want to help by being an extra set of eyes to make sure your child is safe and will also be happy to help at the party as well. If you cannot attend the party due to work or other obligations, and are unable to keep your child’s allergen out of the classroom party, then have the teacher make sure your child only eats treats from their safe treat box or what you have sent to school (see Keep Substitutes Handy below for more about this).

Ask questions

Ask your child’s teacher the following questions when you meet with them:

What is being planned for Halloween? What does your class usually do for Halloween?

Are there any Halloween activities involving food?

Who is involved in planning the halloween party?

Are there any other children with food allergies in the class to consider?

Do you have a policy on goodie bags? (Even if the teacher says she does tells parents not to send goodie bags, some parents will do this anyway!! Ask the teacher to either put out an email stating, “No goodie bags”, or ask for them to put out an email stating only non-food item goodie bags will be allowed.)

If your child’s allergen will be allowed in the classroom, ask the teacher: What is the cleanup plan to make sure my child will not be exposed to cross contact with their allergens?

Instead of asking if you can be at the party, I’ve been successful at saying, “I’m available to be at the party to make sure (your child’s name) is safe and I’m happy to help as well!”

Communicate and Educate with Kindness

You want to continue to educate as you communicate your child’s needs. This is so important. It takes a while for us to get the hang of it all as food allergy parents, the teacher needs to be reminded too. Don’t assume they are fully educated on food allergies just because they had a prior student with them. Not all food allergy parents may be as educated or as careful as you.

Be sure to take some deep breaths before the meeting to try to quell any anxiety you may have. When my daughter was little I think sometimes my tone of voice was more intense because of the anxiety I felt from her having food allergies. You don’t want the teacher to be on the defense misconstruing your anxiety for harshness. I am a firm believer in “it’s not just what you say but how you say it” to help keep good relationships. 

Let the teacher know that you are worried about mistakes and cross contact issues with your child’s allergen. Explain anaphylaxis, and that one allergic reaction does not predict the next. So if your child had a mild reaction in the past, the next can be worse. Explain cross contact. Be specific, tell stories so they “get it”. Let the teacher know that if one child in the class eats something with your child’s allergen and gets it on their hands, then turns the door handle to go to the bathroom, your child can have an allergic reaction just by touching that door handle too. And besides, even if your child had a minor reaction, they would miss school being pulled out. Make the point that your child just like every child is entitled to a safe day at school.

Communicate with the teacher about cleaning up after the party. If your child’s allergen will be in the classroom, ask that all children wash their hands and that all desks and any other areas with food should be wiped down with soap and water or wipes with a cleaning agent (NOT hand sanitizing wipes-not effective at removing protein).

Help Them Help You

Let the teacher know you want to make it easy for everyone while helping to keep your child safe and included by providing a safe snack list just for your class. Though not all food allergy parents may believe in this, I do for the little ones and younger grades. There are so many yummy allergen free products today that can be substituted for unsafe ones. I believe the difficulty for non-food allergy parents is not knowing what to buy. I have always found if you make it easy for others to comply, they will. Explain to the teacher that many people are unaccustomed to reading food labels because they don’t have to and you want to take away the hurdle with a safe snack list. I have found that most people want to help, but they want it to be easy. Make it easy!

You just need to make sure the teacher, school nurse or you are checking the party food once it’s all collected. 

From the bottom of my heart, I believe in a safe snack list so strongly. Not because my husband and I are co-founders of Snack Safely, but because THIS helped to keep my daughter safe AND made her feel included in the lower grades with all the school parties. You can use a pre-made guide or make a free custom guide here, or just create your own safe snack list. Since food manufacturers must disclose and must input their products, ingredients and manufacturing processes themselves to be on any of SnackSafely.com’s Safe Snack Guides today, many main stream brands refuse to be so forthcoming. I suggest adding on to one of the Safe SnackGuides any additional mainstream brands local to you AFTER you call the manufacturers to vet their safety. However you choose to do it, create a safe snack list for your child’s class, and bring it with you when you meet with the teacher!

Keep substitutes handy

If your child’s allergen will be in the classroom for the school party, find out the specifics of what they will be serving at the Halloween party that your child cannot eat and pack safe similar treats. This is another strategy that worked so well when it came to cupcake/cake time for my daughter at parties. (More details on this at The Magic of Food Allergy Friendly Cupcakes: How your Child with Food Allergies can be Included at Celebrations) I always tried to match what my daughter could not eat so she had a safe substitute that was similar.

It is also helpful to keep a safe treat box filled with your child’s favorite goodies in their classroom. I did this for my daughter all throughout elementary school. I tried to put treats in there that she did not get frequently so it would be special. I did not keep candy in the house very often, so usually I would put various candy in her treat box and some cookie packets as well. Luckily, since I used the methods above to PACK℠ before a celebration at school (and her school was very cooperative), my daughter was safe and included and her treat box had many leftover treats by the end of the school year.

You got this!

You got this, my friend. I am in your corner and I know it is not easy. But if you build a good rapport with your child’s teacher, educate them on food allergies and PACK℠ before all Halloween school activities and parties, you will keep your child safe and included. Just don’t make it a scary Halloween by engaging with other school parents to make food requests for a party! Let the teacher give out information on food rules for your child’s school Halloween party. Have questions or want to let me know how it goes? Keep in touch with me at Debra@FoodAllergyParenting.com

By the way, if you want to learn more about my PACK℠ system, how to use it in various situations, and How to Keep Your Child with Food Allergies Safe and Included at Every Age, you can get the e-Guidebook HERE.

Want to learn How to Stay Sane as a Food Allergy Parent? Grab the FREE guide HERE!

Debra Bloom has been a food allergy parent for over 19 years. She is the creator of The Safe Snack Guide, co-founder of Snack Safely and founder of Food Allergy Parenting. She is a food allergy parenting coach passionate about teaching how to keep children with food allergies safe and included from tot through teen while living a full life. Sign up for her newsletter to get guidance and support right in your inbox!